Monday, April 6, 2009

Gratitude? Yes, Please.

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings- Eric Hoffer.

Was just wondering at my own self - Man, was i really thinking this?

It was just last evening that the setting sun made it dawn on me how astray i had let my mind wander the last couple of days. I couldn't believe it myself, but i had turned out into this rude, thankless girl for a few days till yesterday. Not out of choice, of course.Circumstances actually pushed me into ungratefulness. Or that's how I want to think.
So happened that somehow, maybe because of some soul's fervent prayers, I was showered with the type of blessing that gets you to see, hear, watch folks who are this 'Whoa! cool' kind. 'Whoa! cool' would be essentially defined as the elite few, who satisfy one or more of the following conditions
1.Total smarties who do stuff like talking real sense, making things work, 'thinking out of the box', and not using such awkward cliches! The worst part is that when they're done and you wanna say something in admiration, you realize you're not able to coz your jaw is on the floor. Yeah, It dropped when they started and you didn't notice.
2. Folks who are abroad, for studies/ internship/work/ whatever. Folks that know the tricky knacks of shuttling between work and school, managing bills, drawing trust frontiers, most importantly, making parents proud.
3. Folks who know what they are on Earth for, who make life worthwhile with goals and dreams and passions.
4. Folks who are just too darn lucky!

Alright, so what had that got to do with me? Nothing much. Just that it made me sigh.and complain. and question. and doubt. and annoyed. and ungrateful.
'Why not me?' , 'Why couldn't I have been that?', ' Why couldn't I have been there?', ' Why am I here?', 'God, are you prejudiced?', ' Are you listening?', ' Are you listening at all?', ' Do you, Lord, really think those people deserve all that? I don't.', 'So tell me why I am here', 'You don't think I'm good enough?'. Poor God.
All this made me feel kinda let down, complacent and picky. Couldn't feel good about anything happening. and I hated it that way. I usually am not the one who looks out for the dark cloud when there's a silver lining. And I so badly wanted to be cheerful again.
Thanks to my window. It opens to Sunset. I was standing there, watching the orange-purple-blue sky. It looked stunning and I realized that till then I had the opinion those colors couldn't ever go together. For some reason I couldn't figure out, I felt so good inside. And I also realized how beautiful my life actually was. That I didn't actually need to be a 'Whoa! cool' person to see the dawn, the dew and all those things that make life wonderful. I'm so blessed with things that many have missed out on - Love, Family, Friends, Laughter, Happiness and Life.
I looked up skyward and said 'Lord, I'm sorry about my stupidity for the last couple of days. Thank you for everything. And, Thank you for you.Give me a heart that's totally grateful to you always'.
And, I really feel so blessed, so happy and way way above the 'Whoa! cool' kind.

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