Sunday, January 30, 2011

A beautiful mind... who cares!

I watched the movie, A Beautiful Mind when I was in college and a 100 movies later, it still is easily on my five most favorites. I loved everything about it - The plot, cast, the direction, just everything. I badly wanted to be John Nash. I even pretended to be John Nash. Googled all possible anxiety disorders, and hoped I would show symptoms of atleast one. Almost all geniuses are weirdos, aren't they? And so I badly wanted some autism symptom - Maybe I could be a genius. Maybe I could be in Princeton.

 Actually, I didn't want to be in Princeton so i could write dissertations that would "fly in the face of a 150 years of economic theory". Nah. I just.. wanted to be there. Maybe so I could add 'Princeton University' in my Facebook profile's schools column, i guess.

Where am I going? This is not what I intended to ramble about.
So, I saw the movie again a week back. And it sank in - I am not John Nash. Let's face it. I am not even male! and for the first time, all my thoughts were about Alicia, the wife.
[For all you smartypants who checked wiki for John and Alicia's personal lives - I'm only writing about how the MOVIE affected me, Get it?]
 Okay, now, anyone can bet their, umm, assets that Alicia should have been a real intelligent girl to take up courses at MIT. And she probably had huge dreams, goals and all those terms they use in personality development lectures. I mean, I have dreams. An average, small town, can't solve linear equations for nuts girl... and I have dreams of coming up with some quantum physics theory that will beat Hawking's by a margin of 14 pages. (Interesting trivia:  Fourteen is my favorite number).

That being said, the question is : What happened to all those dreams after marriage? She takes care of her husband, changes her baby's diapers, cooks, cleans and works in someplace that will give her enough time for the other tasks above? You marry, put aside all your fantasies and work for the welfare of the family? And the two shall become one implies that the wife no longer has a self and lives her husband's dream? Is that it?

I don't know why I let a movie get so much into my head. I usually only let cartoon shows go that far.

I don't like Nash's beautiful mind anymore. I don't care about Princeton. I don't know why I didn't just sit back and enjoy the movie. I don't know why I was / am thinking about the fictional life of some lady I will never meet in life. I don't know why I am writing this post.

                           Bottom line, literally : I am getting old.

P.S : I am really sorry you had to read this post.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Forgetting not all His benefits

I should have posted this three days back. But then, it is never too late to extend gratitude. So, here's a big THANK YOU, LORD... for being there.

Last sunday, the last sunday of last year (Wow! I could write poems!), dad preached on 'Things we need to forget and the things that we need to NOT forget'. It was one of those sermons that sent me thinking, and thinking deeply.

Last year was pretty eventful. Loaded, actually. And just as He had promised, His compassions never failed... Great was His faithfulness.

He was there, by my side, even as I fell off a buoy into the sea, almost drowning to death. He made one of my biggest dreams as a kid come to pass - I climbed the Corcovado to see 'Christ, the Redeemer'. If the statue of Christ could be so magnificent, How much more would He really be! It was humbling.

He brought me to a great church, and stood by my side when I made lots of new friends. He amazed me every day with incredible things! He filled my days with so much laughter and happiness.

 So much as He held my hands through fun and lighter moments, He held me in His heart through rough tides. I can never be thankful enough for His ever-loving arms that wrapped me in when I fell out of love. Through my incessant ramblings and questions and despair, He never once left my side. He showered forgiveness over me and healed all scars.

He gave beauty for ashes, gladness for mourning, joy, peace and a whole bunch of Other uber cool things. He gave me breath, and He gave me Himself.

So here I am at the start of another year, forgetting what I need to forget and for everything i need to remember, Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord O my soul and forget not all His benefits.