Monday, November 28, 2011

Undeserving Willows By Watercourses

Yet another birthday. Yet another blogpost. The day came and went, and nothing has really happened. And three days later, I am back to work with the remains of an extinguished limelight and waned excitement. Sigh. [not of relief].

It was fun - friends, family, food and all those nice things. But I was still missing God. My relationship with Him has been a bit flaky for sometime now. 
So, it was day before birthday-day, and I resolved to set it right with God. I thought I could do a smooth move by making sure that He was the first peron I spoke to on my birthday, at 00:00 hours. Friends might call (Coz i had begged them to), but I would not talk to them till I spoke, at least for a couple of minutes, with God. And did I? No. I failed. Like the one million times before. After jumping to answer calls - midnight, pre, and post - my head finally dug its way through the pillow to meet up with the Maker around one o'clock. And all I could feel was a sweeping wave of shame. And I slept off.

Lately, my quiet times last less than two minutes. The bookmark in my Bible has probably moved only two pages further in the last two weeks. My journal has been untouched for more than a month now. Unfaithful, complacent, and undeserving I am and He is still faithful, understanding, and unconditionally loving.

Grace is an amazing thing, I know. But it only rubs in the shame a lot, I guess. Some wise band once sang : The beauty of Grace is that it makes life not fair. I can only completely agree. 

Right now, I could be picking thou's of the pieces of promises I have broken. 
Not He. He still promises and He still keeps. There, He did it again. On my birthday, He promised me that I would be like Willows by watercourses*... That I belong to Him... 

I am really thankful to Him for that... just as much as I am ashamed. And there is just one prayer that I have to offer. A prayer someone else prayed centuries ago.

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God. 



* Isaiah 44 : 4, 5 
 .... and they will spring up among the grass, as willows by the watercourses.
One will say, 'I am Yahweh's;' ....

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