What's in a name?!

Near my town is a place called 'thanneer pandhal' which literally translates to 'water shed'. I always thought it was weird to name a residential area 'Water Shed'. I even thought it was the weirdestly named place to live in... till I saw where Bryan Allain- yeah, the Bryan Allain-  lived.

He lives in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Please tell me i am not the only pervert on this planet.

For Grampa

I am the kind of person who wouldn't cry at funerals. Or so I thought till grandpa died. Today is the tenth day without thatha at home. The house seems smaller without him. I miss his jokes, his songs and lots of other things. And I think I will miss them forever.
It's not like the 'man, will miss all this' that you tell yourself  standing in the college bathroom on your last day there. You wouldn't really miss it. Even if you did, you can always take a couple of days off of work, go visit your alma mater and use that toilet. But I suppose, when you miss a dead grandpa, you really miss him.You will miss his jokes, his songs and lots of other things. And I think you will miss them forever.

Guess he is up there in Heaven now... probably reading this blog post along with St. Paul or perhaps Job. Or maybe even Solomon, if he made it to heaven that is.

So, well, there's only one thing I can say sitting here in your room, thatha-
     R.I.P... Miss you.

Giving Up's

I was lying awake on my bed at 6:40 this morning. For a few days now, I have been trying to get up early (6:20 is valid early) so I can pray and read the Bible for atleast sometime. This morning the bed was a little too tempting and I couldn't bring myself to flex my muscles and get out from under the cozy blanket.

I decided I would pray lying on my back and whispered toward Heaven above : I am giving up my sleep for You, Father God. Speak to me.

I think I heard some voice not in my ear but somewhere inside the head, a gentle yet strong voice : I gave my son for you. Speak to me.

I got up out of bed.

That was quite a message for the morning. For many mornings of a lifetime, i guess.

Switch My Foot!

One of my favorite Switchfoot songs is 'Faust, Midas and myself'. I have caught myself singing the lines "what direction, what direction, What direction now?" from that song like 200 times. (Trust me on the stats). That is an awesome band - Switchfoot. Wiki says that Jon Foreman took the term 'switchfoot' for the band from surfing to mean change and movement in life and music.

Well, change and movement are exactly the very things I want in life right now. Only a post earlier I was griping about how i wanted to do something passionately with all my heart. I am almost 97% set to switch careers. And have tried my parents to get to 20%. But what the switching career will be, I have no idea. My parents aren't happy (at all) with my wanting to work with less privileged people, leaving my "IT job". They think teaching engineering students will be a much worthy profession. But, O my soul, that's not where you lie... Sigh.

I don't know what two months after today is going to be. Que sera sera? Or should I gather the guts to learn to surf. and switch-foot.

Whilst I plunge into confused waters again, watch Switchfoot performing Faust, midas and myself with Spanish subtitles.. (This is the best live I could find on youtube)

A beautiful mind... who cares!

I watched the movie, A Beautiful Mind when I was in college and a 100 movies later, it still is easily on my five most favorites. I loved everything about it - The plot, cast, the direction, just everything. I badly wanted to be John Nash. I even pretended to be John Nash. Googled all possible anxiety disorders, and hoped I would show symptoms of atleast one. Almost all geniuses are weirdos, aren't they? And so I badly wanted some autism symptom - Maybe I could be a genius. Maybe I could be in Princeton.

 Actually, I didn't want to be in Princeton so i could write dissertations that would "fly in the face of a 150 years of economic theory". Nah. I just.. wanted to be there. Maybe so I could add 'Princeton University' in my Facebook profile's schools column, i guess.

Where am I going? This is not what I intended to ramble about.
So, I saw the movie again a week back. And it sank in - I am not John Nash. Let's face it. I am not even male! and for the first time, all my thoughts were about Alicia, the wife.
[For all you smartypants who checked wiki for John and Alicia's personal lives - I'm only writing about how the MOVIE affected me, Get it?]
 Okay, now, anyone can bet their, umm, assets that Alicia should have been a real intelligent girl to take up courses at MIT. And she probably had huge dreams, goals and all those terms they use in personality development lectures. I mean, I have dreams. An average, small town, can't solve linear equations for nuts girl... and I have dreams of coming up with some quantum physics theory that will beat Hawking's by a margin of 14 pages. (Interesting trivia:  Fourteen is my favorite number).

That being said, the question is : What happened to all those dreams after marriage? She takes care of her husband, changes her baby's diapers, cooks, cleans and works in someplace that will give her enough time for the other tasks above? You marry, put aside all your fantasies and work for the welfare of the family? And the two shall become one implies that the wife no longer has a self and lives her husband's dream? Is that it?

I don't know why I let a movie get so much into my head. I usually only let cartoon shows go that far.

I don't like Nash's beautiful mind anymore. I don't care about Princeton. I don't know why I didn't just sit back and enjoy the movie. I don't know why I was / am thinking about the fictional life of some lady I will never meet in life. I don't know why I am writing this post.

                           Bottom line, literally : I am getting old.

P.S : I am really sorry you had to read this post.

Forgetting not all His benefits

I should have posted this three days back. But then, it is never too late to extend gratitude. So, here's a big THANK YOU, LORD... for being there.

Last sunday, the last sunday of last year (Wow! I could write poems!), dad preached on 'Things we need to forget and the things that we need to NOT forget'. It was one of those sermons that sent me thinking, and thinking deeply.

Last year was pretty eventful. Loaded, actually. And just as He had promised, His compassions never failed... Great was His faithfulness.

He was there, by my side, even as I fell off a buoy into the sea, almost drowning to death. He made one of my biggest dreams as a kid come to pass - I climbed the Corcovado to see 'Christ, the Redeemer'. If the statue of Christ could be so magnificent, How much more would He really be! It was humbling.

He brought me to a great church, and stood by my side when I made lots of new friends. He amazed me every day with incredible things! He filled my days with so much laughter and happiness.

 So much as He held my hands through fun and lighter moments, He held me in His heart through rough tides. I can never be thankful enough for His ever-loving arms that wrapped me in when I fell out of love. Through my incessant ramblings and questions and despair, He never once left my side. He showered forgiveness over me and healed all scars.

He gave beauty for ashes, gladness for mourning, joy, peace and a whole bunch of Other uber cool things. He gave me breath, and He gave me Himself.

So here I am at the start of another year, forgetting what I need to forget and for everything i need to remember, Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me, bless His holy name. Bless the Lord O my soul and forget not all His benefits.

As much as we...

I remember reading a tweet by Joel Houston sometime back. "i hope people enjoy listening to this album as much as we're enjoying the process of making it..." (http://twitter.com/#!/joelhouston/status/25397624913). 
Reading it and for days after, I was wondering if I could ever, ever in my life say something like that. Can I, in those droning client calls, tell the folks on the other end, "Hope you enjoy using the software as much as we enjoyed making this"? Sigh.

Okay, my work is interesting and all that. But it isn't something I enjoy. I don't wake up thinking how great the day's coding is going to be. I like my work, for say, five - six hours a day. [like as in 'I like eating idlis coz mom's away, I am verrry hungry and that's all grandma made for breakfast']. That's about it. Not a minute more. But then, aren't we supposed to be passionate about what we do? Isn't work supposed to bring out the best in us?

I really want to say something along the lines of Houston. But I know I probably wouldn't as long as i am writing lines of codes for some Jap, or any national for that matter. My heart does not belong with computers and codes and algorithms. It belongs with people, with music... not digits. I want to work with my heart in it.. not just the head. I wanna be there, teaching kids to read, write and draw... I wanna be there, backstage, putting the microphones in their boxes, untangling coiled cables, dancing when the band's performing...

Well, maybe someday, Whatever my hand finds to do, I will do with all my might... coz 'whatever' my hand finds to do will be what I really love to do. Maybe someday, I can use the phrase 'As much as we...' not just as a blog entry title.